Is it wrong to really and sincerely dislike a sibling? I am struggling with that at the moment, and after our holiday dinner last night I kind of came to a conclusion - I REALLY dont particularly like my sister. I see people that look forward to family time, that want to hang out with siblings; for a long time I wanted that, but I dont think we are ever going to get there. For those who dont know I am the oldest of 3 girls at 35, the Bitch just turned 34 and the Baby is 28.
I know that bothered me at one point...that my sisters and I arent close. I know that about 10 years ago the other 2 were very close, well that was what I thought at the time - looking back I think that the Bitch just didnt have anyone else willing to put up with her shit so she made the Baby do it and the Baby didnt know any better so she did. They have since grown apart. A lot. Like to the point that it honestly wouldnt surprise me if the 2 of them never spoke by choice again - the Bitch holds a grudge like nothing I have ever seen & the Baby has never felt is it her job to make relationships work - I do my best to stay far away from all of it. There is a metric fuck ton of history and bullshit between the 2 of them. I have heard bits and pieces from both but to be perfectly frank I dont give a fuck, I had nothing to do with any of it and dont trust either one of them to ever tell the truth of it - they both have that "lie when the truth fits best" thing going on. Short version - there are some trust issues there that run both ways that I dont see being resolved for a really long time.
This sucks a lot for my mom and dad. I think the only thing they want is what every parent wants at the holidays - all their kiddies and grandkiddies rounded up around the table having a meal and celebrating the holiday together...you know that Norman Rockwell picture perfect arent we the happiest family ever bullshit? It makes me sad that the 2 of them cant even put away all of their bullshit to give that to my folks. It really isnt all that hard to set aside personal bullshit and suck it up. I do it every year :-) I dont think we all collectively have been together for a holiday in 3 or 4 years. I dont really care about seeing the Bitch and the Baby, but I really miss seeing all the kids together.
Last night we Turkeyed at Mom's. The Bitch was there w her live-in boyfriend, sans kids because they had Thanksgiving with their dad this year, and the Baby wasnt there (as is tradition). The ladies were sitting around the table after dinner having a conversation, the men watching football in the den, all normal as could be. Our topic of conversation wasnt the point - the jist - the Bitch felt very strongly about it and I can see both sides of it so have yet to formulate a firm opinion one way or another. As one would in a conversation with differing opinions I was asking her questions - we were having a conversation. All of a sudden, and seriously like from zero to rage in 5 seconds flat, she goes furious red and yells at me that I just think Im right. Which I dont, and said as much to her; I dont know whats right or wrong, Im still chewing on it hence I was asking her questions. She then called me a bitch and stormed out of the room mumbling things under her breath. I told her to grow up, she told me to go fuck myself. In front of my grandmother, too. She really is just THAT charming. I laughed at her. I doubt that did much to chill her out but I dont really care...a 34 year old storming out of a room just like she did when she was 10 is funny as hell.
But it made me think. If she wasnt my sister I would have nothing to do with her. I have no patience for people that act the way she does. I would never actively seek out a friendship with someone I do not trust. Her most dominant personality traits are ones that immediately turn me off when I meet new people. Even down to her mannerisms and the way she speaks. Everything about her repels me. I cant imagine being close with someone who is so close minded name calling is their idea of a solid argument. Her idea of keeping up with current events is watching Entertainment Tonight. Im not judging any of that. Whatever works for her, none of my business, just not my kind of people.
The same can be said in reverse. She doesnt "get" me either. She doesnt get why I dont care about living in the suburbs or driving a super nice car, or why shopping is not a driving force in my life, or why I dont like the Bachelor or American Idol. She doesnt understand my politics mainly because she has no opinion or knowledge on the topic and has no idea why I care. She thinks I am less because I choose not to have children. She is wrong - she needed kids to validate her existence, I validate my existence in other ways. Neither is better, neither is worse. She thinks I am weird. She thinks I married a strange man. She thinks we have the wrong goals and direction.
This means I am doing it right.
Ive known her since the day she was born. I watched her practice and perfect all the bullshit games she plays and manipulations that make up the thing she calls a life. I think this bothers her more than anything because none of them work on me. When she got up and walked out of the room calling me a bitch and telling me to go fuck myself I laughed. I laughed because I finally realized HOLY SHIT I AM NEVER GOING TO LIKE THAT WOMAN.
Im done. Im done trying to like her. I wont ignore her or anything like that, that would be juvenile, I can coexist with her whenever Ive been doing that for years, but I'm done trying to like her and feeling, to some degree, like Im wrong for not. Is it wrong to stop trying & just accept that I dont like her and never will?
Ever since I was little I have heard, "We are family & I have to love him, but I don't have to like him" in one form or another (most forms involve swearing). My grandfather was the first person to say it, but my lots of others have said it over the years & it is true.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of why she is behaves poorly, the fact remains that she is not nice. Until she proves herself worthy of your friendship, nothing says you MUST take shit from her.
I try to live my life remembering that I need not "should" on myself and that I don't have to give myself an ulcer trying to have a relationship with someone because others think I should. Life is too short for that shit.
Good luck letting go...