I totally should have written this yesterday while I was off...but I didn't. Instead I spent my day screwing around with the pups, running a few errands, gym-shopping-dinner with the Mister then sleep...all in all a nice day off really and I made this bumpin marinated pasta/veggie/feta salad for dinner that was kind of healthy when topped with some grilled chicken tenders in a tangy red wine vinaigrette. Pretty delicious!
I've been having a FUNK week. Actually probably more like 2 weeks. Ok, realistically it's probably been more like the last year, but the last 2 weeks have been pretty brutal. Its been the kind of March that pretty much makes me want to curl up in a ball somewhere and weep or (and this is definitely more my style) start shooting and ask questions later. Lucky for all I am not a truly violent person & I have learned to control my homicidal urges...
So I finally went to the doc about the excessive neck & back pain that I was chalking up to stress...i NEVER have a shortage of that and in the last couple months its been bad. Turns out that after some xrays & an MRI I apparently have some kind of cysts on the nerve endings near my neck that are the cause of this pain. Stress definitely wont help the situation, but its the root cause as far as I know...thats kinda good news! I'll be honest here, I've been entirely too chicken to Google it. Im sure there is a wealth of information out there that I could acquire, but Mister hasnt sent me any links & Ive always taken a "it's probably better if I dont know then I wont have to worry" attitude in situations like this. Yes, I am painfully aware this is somewhat stupid, but its not like I can fix this with the Google & I really dont need to be obsessing about what kind of cancer I have until JUNE 14th (yes thats right, JUNE 14th) which is the soonest I could get in to the neurologist my doc referred me to. Three months. Yeah, fuck the google...id really rather not drive myself batty in the next 3 months worrying. Side note- I am working on trying to get it all moving faster, so I will try some other neurologists if I cant get this one to bump my appt. I cant be in this kind of random pain until June. Nosireebob!
Work can basically suck my ass. I can honestly say that for the first time in 9.5 years with this company I sincerely had to talk myself back into my office. I'm not a quitter by nature, but it really and truly took all I had to convince myself that I was going to FUCK myself hardcore if I got up and walked out of there last Tuesday. Even my most reliable, in the voice of my mother of course, nagging about my responsibilities and obligations did nothing to stop the myriad of justifications I had for just disappearing from my desk never to return with a simple "Sorry, I cant take this bullshit anymore. Gone NUTSO! XOXO Mindy" note on the desk. There were 2 things that made me stay. Two. 9.5 years at this place and I could only think of 2 reasons to not walk. 1) Health Insurance. With all the shit going on with my back & neck and knowing that there may possibly really be something wrong I cant afford not to have it and cant afford to pay Cobra $400 a month to keep it. That fucking SUCKS. 2) I dont know that I would be able to look myself in the eye knowing that I did that. That I walked away just like that. That it beat me. That I quit. Ive struggled with quitting this job for a long time, and even though I plan to do so at some point this year a very small part of me still feels like it is because the place and job beat me. I KNOW in my head that it hasnt, this is just not what I want out of my career/life, by in my heart it still feels that way. I also know in my head that admitting that the job beat me isnt the end of the world and is irrelevant in the grand scheme...but I also HATE that it may have beaten me, I dont really get beaten at things that matter, at least not thus far... I will wrestle this into submission, knowing that the job may not have beaten me, but the jackass I work for, in all of his infinite wisdom and confusing-makes-no-sense bullshit, did. And that for some reason bothers me a lot less. The most apt comparison I can make is that working with/for The Wizard is most often the equivalent of working for The Joker (preferably the Heath Ledger version if you please). He is an agent of chaos, there is no logic to how his mind works, no consistency to his actions and no stop to his frustrating games. You cant beat this kind of person mainly because the game changes on a whim...and that I do understand in my heart and my head.
We are planting a garden this year!!! Mister has the walls we need to put up roped off, the little seedlings are all planted & growing quite well and Im excited. We are going to have a ton of fresh veggies! Tomatoes, zucchini, green beans, snap peas, japanese radish, carrots, a shit ton of fresh herbs and a bunch of other things Im not remembering. Cant wait to get it constructed so I can map it out and get it planted. I always liked gardening with my dad, we shall see if I remember what he taught me and if I can grow my garden as well as his will be...shit I might even try recruiting a little help ;-)
Im filling in on line this weekend at one of the restaurants (this was item #27 that almost made me walk Tuesday) so that should be entertaining. I dont have to do that very often, and when I do I am usually pretty amazed at how quick it comes back, the flow, movement, pace...and I enjoy it. Its the kind of work you just have to do, not THINK about it. And I think thats the kind of work I can get behind about now.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Meh. You win some...you win some.
Been awhile since I've last posted. Been a long couple weeks. Lots of shift coverage, I got The Plague for a few days, went to the doc with some odd & persistent back pain, experienced my first (and really I do hope my last) MRI & are still waiting to see why it feels like someone is stabbing me. That kinda sucks. BUT the sun has been shining, Pittsburgh wasn't washed away in a flood & I have seen more green popping out of the earth. Spring. Sincerely my most favoritest time of the year. Almost time to take the roof off the Jeep...and for that day I'm already excited!
So decided to walk away from the partnership agreement today. I am feeling really good about it. Its been a few weeks and after quite a few frustrating meetings & exchanges I was having more doubts than anything else. She wanted the agreement changed to a larger percentage and more power as a managing partner and while initially I was willing to negotiate she pissed me off last night with an email. So I did something very uncharacteristic of me...I waited. I got said email in the middle of a beer dinner I was cooking for. Read it and got really irritated. When I got done a flew home & after taking the Queen & Princess Puppy Butt out for a walk and some dinner sat down and wrote out a long & honestly pretty severe email laying out in no uncertain terms exactly how I felt about our progress and things of that ilk. I hadn't decided if I was going to send it or not, but in talking to RK I listened to myself and realized that I did not want to do this. The only reason I had been willing to compromise was because I wanted that damn almighty check. And ya know what...money isn't enough. Money I can get, money is out there, money is easy compared to a good idea and the work & time involved with developing and making that idea into a real live thing. This was the 5th or 6th situation that had occurred with her that made me cringe because of how she dealt with it. I am leaving my current job to get AWAY from this bullshit, I sure as fuck have no intention of deliberately and legally binding myself to a new level of bullshit. The amount of training that she was going to require was unreal and her cash contribution not enough to make it worth it. I also got a very strong vibe off of her that she really had no fucking idea how HARD it is to work in a restaurant for a living. It is an honest living, it is exciting and fun...but it is hard. I just the vibe that 3 months into it when her manicure was fucked beyond repair, she was working too much to be able to go get a mani/pedi to fix the damage, her back & feet aching from a lot of running a restaurant and 3 months of not having her Saturdays to go shop that she'd fold on me. Granted that could be a blessing or a curse, but it kinda feels like agreeing to marry someone only because you know you can always get a divorce when it all turns to shit. Whats the fucking point?
So I deleted the email i angrily typed. I started a new one. I basically spelled it all out, I wasnt confident shed be able to do this, I was not willing to give her a higher percentage that the one her cash contribution gave her in that she brings nothing else to the table, there was no way I could comfortably allow her to be a managing partner with her lack of experience and our not having enough knowledge of each other as individuals for me to understand how she makes decisions. She had made a few through the last couple weeks that just made me shake my head they were so stupid in my opinion so not a whole lot of confidence building there. I was honest, but not aggressive or bitchy, just straightforward and to the point. I really dont know any other way to be. I even sent it out to Mister, RK & and my voice of reason, I will call her Nudge cuz thats why I love her, just to read before I sent it and make sure that i wasnt being too much...me I guess? And was assured that i made my points without attacking and spoke honestly. That was all I was after. So late afternoon I sent it. This is me...walking away from a nice chunk of change but feeling ok about it.
She emailed me back within the hour, rescinding her investment offer, telling me that I obviously am not interested in building a future with a partner that I need to be a sole proprietor. She may be right, she may be wrong, but I can say for certain that this partnership was not meant to be. She made the comment it was an unbalanced agreement. Well yes, my dear, it is. Its also an amazingly unbalanced partnership...the agreement should match. I sincerely think this is what is best for all parties involved. I think she would have ended up hating me...Im not terribly tolerant of people not pulling their weight.
So lessons learned and all that bullshit, and back to the proverbial drawing board as far as finding some money but I really do think that I won here. There is something to be said for knowing that you really cant be bought all that easily and that you are capable of making a grown up decision...and it didnt even hurt!
So decided to walk away from the partnership agreement today. I am feeling really good about it. Its been a few weeks and after quite a few frustrating meetings & exchanges I was having more doubts than anything else. She wanted the agreement changed to a larger percentage and more power as a managing partner and while initially I was willing to negotiate she pissed me off last night with an email. So I did something very uncharacteristic of me...I waited. I got said email in the middle of a beer dinner I was cooking for. Read it and got really irritated. When I got done a flew home & after taking the Queen & Princess Puppy Butt out for a walk and some dinner sat down and wrote out a long & honestly pretty severe email laying out in no uncertain terms exactly how I felt about our progress and things of that ilk. I hadn't decided if I was going to send it or not, but in talking to RK I listened to myself and realized that I did not want to do this. The only reason I had been willing to compromise was because I wanted that damn almighty check. And ya know what...money isn't enough. Money I can get, money is out there, money is easy compared to a good idea and the work & time involved with developing and making that idea into a real live thing. This was the 5th or 6th situation that had occurred with her that made me cringe because of how she dealt with it. I am leaving my current job to get AWAY from this bullshit, I sure as fuck have no intention of deliberately and legally binding myself to a new level of bullshit. The amount of training that she was going to require was unreal and her cash contribution not enough to make it worth it. I also got a very strong vibe off of her that she really had no fucking idea how HARD it is to work in a restaurant for a living. It is an honest living, it is exciting and fun...but it is hard. I just the vibe that 3 months into it when her manicure was fucked beyond repair, she was working too much to be able to go get a mani/pedi to fix the damage, her back & feet aching from a lot of running a restaurant and 3 months of not having her Saturdays to go shop that she'd fold on me. Granted that could be a blessing or a curse, but it kinda feels like agreeing to marry someone only because you know you can always get a divorce when it all turns to shit. Whats the fucking point?
So I deleted the email i angrily typed. I started a new one. I basically spelled it all out, I wasnt confident shed be able to do this, I was not willing to give her a higher percentage that the one her cash contribution gave her in that she brings nothing else to the table, there was no way I could comfortably allow her to be a managing partner with her lack of experience and our not having enough knowledge of each other as individuals for me to understand how she makes decisions. She had made a few through the last couple weeks that just made me shake my head they were so stupid in my opinion so not a whole lot of confidence building there. I was honest, but not aggressive or bitchy, just straightforward and to the point. I really dont know any other way to be. I even sent it out to Mister, RK & and my voice of reason, I will call her Nudge cuz thats why I love her, just to read before I sent it and make sure that i wasnt being too much...me I guess? And was assured that i made my points without attacking and spoke honestly. That was all I was after. So late afternoon I sent it. This is me...walking away from a nice chunk of change but feeling ok about it.
She emailed me back within the hour, rescinding her investment offer, telling me that I obviously am not interested in building a future with a partner that I need to be a sole proprietor. She may be right, she may be wrong, but I can say for certain that this partnership was not meant to be. She made the comment it was an unbalanced agreement. Well yes, my dear, it is. Its also an amazingly unbalanced partnership...the agreement should match. I sincerely think this is what is best for all parties involved. I think she would have ended up hating me...Im not terribly tolerant of people not pulling their weight.
So lessons learned and all that bullshit, and back to the proverbial drawing board as far as finding some money but I really do think that I won here. There is something to be said for knowing that you really cant be bought all that easily and that you are capable of making a grown up decision...and it didnt even hurt!
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Ever Illusive Sleep Monster
Its 3:30am. I am still awake. Thats a tad irritating to tell you the truth. I cant tell you why Im still awake; possible 1 too many diet Dr Peppers, maybe the cold I feel coming on a little bit, maybe too much on my mind and its not quite ready to go to bed yet...who knows. If I knew the answer to why I was awake Im guessing Id probably be back to sleep. So I figured that if Im going to be awake at this unreasonable hour I might as well do something with myself...well that and I could totally find nothing interesting to watch on the TV & the internets at large werent capturing my attention.
So I'm laying in bed trying to talk myself into going back to sleep...that was a fail. But I did have some sparks of brilliance & inspiration...
I made my first attempt at homemade granola today and was mostly disappointed. I liked the ingredient combo but the sticky stuff meant to hold it all together didnt work exactly as I had anticipated. I made a dried cranberry & semi-sweet chocolate. It tastes really good, but its more crumbly than sticky and I want to make chewy granola bars. So I think I know what I need to do to correct the not so sticky issue & made mental list of some stuff I need to acquire for attempt #2! Agave nectar? Might work well in this application...and definitely more nuts, like more of a variety. Toasted almonds are good; toasted almonds and cashews? Better!
My husband, Mister, claims that I kept him up for a few hours snoring a couple nights ago...turns out Im catching a cold. I'd apologize but he's a perpetual snorer, and yeah pay backs are a bitch sometimes! He got even tonight. Karma is a bitch, but apparently only to people who laugh about keeping someone up snoring.
I am totally going to take down my christmas decorations this week. Yeah go ahead and laugh...they're still up! Most of the lights have been off for months, I just havent felt like taking them down and cleaning them and putting them away and all that BS. But this week it will be done and the house will loose all its winter flair.
Im going to have a garden this year. Me & mister planted 150 little seed thingies today so we can turn the front of the yard into a garden. There are a few more things I want to get veggie-wise, but for the most part we've got everything started in their little terrariums. I'm excited about a garden. We've talked about it for years just never had a good spot for one, but he extracted some hedges last year & it gets great light now we get a garden. Nothing tastes better than garden tomatoes or beans!
I saw the tops of my tulips & hyacinth sticking out of the ground the other morning and that makes me smile! Spring is coming...finally!
Im going to go attempt sleep again...hopefully itll be quieter and the puppy wont have stolen my spot :-)
So I'm laying in bed trying to talk myself into going back to sleep...that was a fail. But I did have some sparks of brilliance & inspiration...
I made my first attempt at homemade granola today and was mostly disappointed. I liked the ingredient combo but the sticky stuff meant to hold it all together didnt work exactly as I had anticipated. I made a dried cranberry & semi-sweet chocolate. It tastes really good, but its more crumbly than sticky and I want to make chewy granola bars. So I think I know what I need to do to correct the not so sticky issue & made mental list of some stuff I need to acquire for attempt #2! Agave nectar? Might work well in this application...and definitely more nuts, like more of a variety. Toasted almonds are good; toasted almonds and cashews? Better!
My husband, Mister, claims that I kept him up for a few hours snoring a couple nights ago...turns out Im catching a cold. I'd apologize but he's a perpetual snorer, and yeah pay backs are a bitch sometimes! He got even tonight. Karma is a bitch, but apparently only to people who laugh about keeping someone up snoring.
I am totally going to take down my christmas decorations this week. Yeah go ahead and laugh...they're still up! Most of the lights have been off for months, I just havent felt like taking them down and cleaning them and putting them away and all that BS. But this week it will be done and the house will loose all its winter flair.
Im going to have a garden this year. Me & mister planted 150 little seed thingies today so we can turn the front of the yard into a garden. There are a few more things I want to get veggie-wise, but for the most part we've got everything started in their little terrariums. I'm excited about a garden. We've talked about it for years just never had a good spot for one, but he extracted some hedges last year & it gets great light now we get a garden. Nothing tastes better than garden tomatoes or beans!
I saw the tops of my tulips & hyacinth sticking out of the ground the other morning and that makes me smile! Spring is coming...finally!
Im going to go attempt sleep again...hopefully itll be quieter and the puppy wont have stolen my spot :-)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Ramblings & Brownies...again.
Another Monday off. It was pretty awesome, really. Slept in a little, had a quick breakfast, went to the gym, completed some domestic goddess duties...nice couple days off. Quite happy that I went to the gym. Its been a couple weeks since my last visit. I always feel better when I go but getting my lazy ass to actually go is a bit more challenging. Im planning to go again tomorrow or Thursday. I have also decided I wickedly prefer weights & lifting to cardio. I want to swim this week...that's cardio I don't mind.
I read over my LLC ppw today, added the info I needed to that and got it sent back out to my lawyer, too. I was slightly intimidated by the 14 pages, but found I got it...every damn word of it, and that made me feel pretty good. Does lead to this question though...why is all that bullshit necessary? Seems to me that the exact same things that she spelled out in legalese could have been much more simply and succinctly stated in plain english. The terms were common sense enough, and it defined some necessary areas of our partnership that needed it, but all of it could have been just as easily explained in simpler language that wouldn't require an interpreter or 8 year college degree. I like my lawyer, she's a very nice lady...and I know a couple lawyers that I like quite a bit. I'm not saying I want any of them out of work, but just seems to me they're are easier ways that wouldnt be quite so tedious to accomplish the same mission. ...so says the chick who will totally & gladly pay the bill when it comes for her lawyer's services!
Have to really get moving on the business plan. I made a good amount of headway last week the couple nights I worked on it but I've got a few more nights to go before it's near done. If I get in the zone I can plow through a ton quick...if only I knew how to flip THAT switch!
Ive nicknamed my partner...that way I have something to call her when I mention her ~ J. Simple and easy to type! So J. & I are meeting Wednesday night to get some planning work done and start laying down some details. Putting together a map to get from here ---------> there. The sooner the better!
Made another batch of brownies. They came out pretty good. Just about perfect actually. I had cut the initial recipe in half because I did not NEED a full half sheet tray of brownies. So I decided that an 8x8 pan would be sufficient. Upon further review I was wrong and should have used a 9x13 to get a more even bake. Texture and flavor were perfect...so I am definitely on the right track. Have to make them again and see if I can nail it! Once I'm done with the brownies I'll move on to a potentially brilliant idea for cinnamon rolls. If these turn out as good as I think they will they will be life-changing.
Then homemade granola bars & croissants. I'm going to be very busy...and will need eaters for all this shit. Mister & RK are NOT going to want to have to eat all these test recipes!
Not a bad start to the week. Last week was actually more good than bad considering what I was prepared for, got alot of shit done on my days off and may have finally captured my Great White Whale brownie recipe!!
I read over my LLC ppw today, added the info I needed to that and got it sent back out to my lawyer, too. I was slightly intimidated by the 14 pages, but found I got it...every damn word of it, and that made me feel pretty good. Does lead to this question though...why is all that bullshit necessary? Seems to me that the exact same things that she spelled out in legalese could have been much more simply and succinctly stated in plain english. The terms were common sense enough, and it defined some necessary areas of our partnership that needed it, but all of it could have been just as easily explained in simpler language that wouldn't require an interpreter or 8 year college degree. I like my lawyer, she's a very nice lady...and I know a couple lawyers that I like quite a bit. I'm not saying I want any of them out of work, but just seems to me they're are easier ways that wouldnt be quite so tedious to accomplish the same mission. ...so says the chick who will totally & gladly pay the bill when it comes for her lawyer's services!
Have to really get moving on the business plan. I made a good amount of headway last week the couple nights I worked on it but I've got a few more nights to go before it's near done. If I get in the zone I can plow through a ton quick...if only I knew how to flip THAT switch!
Ive nicknamed my partner...that way I have something to call her when I mention her ~ J. Simple and easy to type! So J. & I are meeting Wednesday night to get some planning work done and start laying down some details. Putting together a map to get from here ---------> there. The sooner the better!
Made another batch of brownies. They came out pretty good. Just about perfect actually. I had cut the initial recipe in half because I did not NEED a full half sheet tray of brownies. So I decided that an 8x8 pan would be sufficient. Upon further review I was wrong and should have used a 9x13 to get a more even bake. Texture and flavor were perfect...so I am definitely on the right track. Have to make them again and see if I can nail it! Once I'm done with the brownies I'll move on to a potentially brilliant idea for cinnamon rolls. If these turn out as good as I think they will they will be life-changing.
Then homemade granola bars & croissants. I'm going to be very busy...and will need eaters for all this shit. Mister & RK are NOT going to want to have to eat all these test recipes!
Not a bad start to the week. Last week was actually more good than bad considering what I was prepared for, got alot of shit done on my days off and may have finally captured my Great White Whale brownie recipe!!
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