Well Hello!

So I've spent a good amount of time reading the blogs of others and decided after much internal debate that I, too, wanted a place to organize my thoughts & such so I've created one.  I have always enjoyed reading the blogs of others but always thought to myself "who wants to read my mindless drivel?" Well I've decided that I do, and therefore others might as well.  I know that my tiny little blip of an existence is going to be changing alot over the next year or so and think it would be very helpful to get some of the stuff rambling around in there out of my head and let it live elsewhere....and this is where I have chosen.   Perspective and whatnot I guess.

A little about me. Im 33 years old and totally ok with that.  Im married to a pretty awesome guy for the last 5 years but have been with him for a crap ton longer than that- almost 15 years at this point - and where it has not always been peaches, cream, sunshine & roses he is still now the love of my life, best friend & most amusing man I have ever known.  We do not have children, we do not want children and we will not ever have children - something else that I am totally ok with, I swear! I work alot, I am a chef by training & passion but a Dir of Ops for a restaurant group by paycheck - this is where the major upheaval in my existence will be coming from as this year progresses.  I own a house that needs alot of money & love to make it the epic home it could be- but find that its just not a priority for me or my husband - its still standing and we have alot of toys in it and im sure we will make it gorgeous eventually, just isnt a priority of the moment.  I own dogs. 3 of them up until about 3 weeks ago when one of my bestest friends on this planet very peacefully and quietly left this earth.  My heart broke a little that day, and I still cry about it now.  We have 2 other furry beasts - and they have done an admirable job giving extra love to make up for loosing the Big Guy.  I like cats, but doubt I will ever own one again - too persnickety & that litter box - no damn way. 

I like to swear...like alot. So if you are offended by vulgar language Id recommend moving on from here, I have a serious potty mouth issue.  I love food and all things to do with food. Its a vice, a blessing, a curse and a passion.  I love to cook for people, for myself, to bake, to create, to play in my kitchen.  Fresh veggies make me smile and a nice cut of meat will make me quiver.  I like horrible movies, terrible music and crap TV. I like my me time and tend to prefer spending time alone to time with most people-there are those that I adore and can be with all the time, and others that I would ban from our planet if I was permitted to do so.  It isnt anything personal, I just find people, especially in large groups, to be overwhelming and mostly irritating. 

Im a present focused person, I live right now and make decisions accordingly.  I dont believe in regrets - I only have ONE for all of my 33 years and that is WHY I EVER STARTED SMOKING EVER - which i feel is a pretty good regret. I am not a worrier. I dont believe in it. Why worry? It serves no purpose. I think on things and contemplate options, but the stressful & frantic worrying about things that are out of my control just seems a waste of time & energy. Im a problem solver, bring me an issue and ill give you a solution. Im a bitch. Im not always nice, I rarely take the feelings of others into as much consideration as I should and therefore can say & do hurtful things on purpose and by accident.  I am honest - I dont lie to anyone but myself and Im working on that.  I babble alot, I say stupid things, I have a few vices I really should learn to control and have found that the voices in my head give better advice than most people.  I also have big boobs and LOVE it!

So the purpose of this blog is multifaceted. I want a place to track the insanity that is going to become my life in the next year plus. In my current job position we are going to be opening a new store & in MY life I am trying to find the funding to open a place of my own. Both of these things will be happening simultaneously and there is def alot more specifics that need to be told but this is not the time for that story.  I am going to try (fucking AGAIN) to quit smoking - only this time I have come to the conclusion that I cannot do this alone & will enlist the help of Chantix to do the job. I have also joined a gym and need to find my grown up motivation to actually go there so that I can get in better shape - undo some of the damage I have done to this body and loose some weight.  Im also trying to relearn how to eat - apparently I got this fat ass from 1) sitting on it too much and 2) eating too much crap - all of which I hope to document.  More or less im reinventing me. There are some amazing parts of me I want to keep, but some not so amazing parts that need to be dealt with and this is going to be me dealing with them.

Welcome to my ramblings...may you find some value in them...even if that value is laughing at this silly woman doing her thing....