SEVEN DAYS!!!!

Its been a week. A FULL WEEK! I think Im over the hump so to speak and can say with some certainty that I am a non-smoker. I can sincerely say that this is the first time I have ever made it this long without completely collapsing and just buying a pack. No cheats no matter how tempted because I know me and that would have been all it would have taken for me to fall off the proverbial wagon.

I had my first real "my precious" nicotine moment yesterday for the week and gum came to the rescue.  I have meeting with my store managers (90% of which smoke) every month and yesterday and today are those days. When the meeting breaks we generally head out front to chitchat & have a smoke, I was involved in a couple diff conversations so I wandered out with them. Mistake. 5 of them standing there smoking away in front of me. Any of them would have given me one or a hit if I had asked. First time since I quit that I actually thought well maybe Ill just have 1 and thats all. I kicked myself in the head, found my gum and resisted the urge. 

Will power has NEVER been a strength of mine when it comes to vices and I was quite proud that I didnt fold and take one. I also am still looking forward to the day that smell will gross me out. Sources say its going to be another week or so and I will start to be incredibly sensitive to it. It already repulses me when a hard core smokers wanders past me and their clothes reek of dirty ashtray, but that smell has always grossed me out. I need the wafting smell of cigarette smoke to turn my stomach...and the sooner the better.

Have to go into town post meeting tonight to visit my Gram in the hospital - Mercy.  She tripped over a rug in her bathroom and jacked up her Tibia.  Didnt break the knee cap as originally thought, but cracked the top of the tibia. After much debate it has been decided that surgery is a senseless risk that she would not benefit from, which I am pretty sure is the exact decision she wanted us to make but would do what my dad & aunt thought was best for her. At the moment she is all drugged up on pain pills so shes as comfortable as she can be and awaiting a transfer to a skilled nursing facility in Bethel Park where she will be 12 weeks in a wheel chair so it can heal.  She already walks with a cane & will now probably have to use a walker, but it will heal and she will be mostly mobile again.

Granted the injury could have been worse, but I think this is the end of her being able or even wanting to live on her own.  Shes been alone in her own home since my pap passed 6 years ago and she does amazingly well, but I think this will have shaken her and she will be afraid to stay alone.  She had to crawl to the phone to call my aunt for help and thankfully she could. It makes me sad. Shes been a strong, independent woman my entire life and it makes me sad to see that coming to an end no matter how smart or in her best interest that may be. Fortunately a lot of her church buddies have also moved into assisted living retirement homes so she will be happy to be closer to them for her card games and such and overall will still lead a very happy & much safer existence ~ but I still dont like to see it. Part of it is a sadness for the major and unexpected change she is going to go through, the other is this being a milestone in my life...she was my last grandparent that was living on her own and watching my dad have to make these decisions with my aunt for her is hard. Not only is she getting older but I am too.

She is going to be in the hospital for the holidays so we are going to do everything we can to make that as awesome for her as possible. Christmas is her favorite holiday so since she cant come to it we will bring it to her. All things considered the catalyst for this transition for her could have been so much more severe and on the sunny side I am happy as hell it isnt serious, she will heal and she will bounce back however slowly...but it still marks the end of an era that I dont think any of us were wanting to see.