The World:Buster Buster:The World

I miss having a big dog. I miss Zoe and Diamond a fuck ton as individuals, too, but in general I miss having a big dog. Mister & I have talked about that a lot since we buried Zoe this summer over our vacation. Mister works at night often and there is something to be said for the security provided by a big furry beast.

A few months ago my girlfriend Deb starts sending me pics of a litter of puppies that were born on the retirement farm her mom lives at in Butler. She jokingly asked if I wanted one. I laughed it off. The following week more pics. More laughing. Then the pups hit about 3-4 weeks and she sent me these...

And I fell in love. These are the first pics I have of Mister Buster Badass ~ Buster for short!  He was 4 weeks old when these were taken. He is a rottweiler/hound mix. He kind of howls when he barks. Its LOUD and cute for the moment. We shall see what I think of that when hes 80# of howling mad man :-)

Fast forward to 2 weeks later & the pups are ready to come home. Deb did me a solid and went to go get Buster so he spent 2 nights howling at Deb, Madison and Jeff in Rimersburg (thank god hes cute or I may never have gotten a puppy & thanks for being awesome guys!) before I got up there to get him.

One trip to the vet later and we were on our way back to his new home. Gizmo went up with me to get him. She is naturally neurotic, so I was expecting SPAZZ. She did not disappoint. She calmed down eventually, read: 3 or 4 days later, but was pretty much tweaked out from long car ride, new puppy, vet visit, long car ride w new puppy. Honestly she was better than I expected. She wanted to play with him but didnt want him to come too close. It was an interesting battle to watch her wage. Now she thinks we have gotten her the Best. Squeeky Toy. Ever.  I cant WAIT for him to outweigh her in about 4 weeks. Should be an entertaining flip to their play. She digs him, though.

Heh. Im so cute you wont even get mad when I eat all youre shit and I know it.

At the Vets office. Dunno why he licked the table but the pic is cute!

He likes to move while napping & his head fell out of his crate. Look at the Dumbo ear!

Gizmo in the back, Buster in the from. Shes 40#, he was around 12#

Beached himself on a pillow w Mister (who has nicknamed him WANG! for obvious reasons)

Napping on the chair together.

Gizmo - 3 years old, left ~ Buster - 8 weeks old, right. THE PAWS! They get bigger daily.

Taking a nap. He does that often.

Getting ready to eff some shit up

Post Turkey Day Crash

Cocooned in fleece for warmth post bath!

So thats Buster. Hes 9 weeks old now and growing like a weed. House breaking w the bell method has that all solid 3 weeks in. Not too bad on chewing our stuff but e make sure to have plenty other legal options around. Seems to dig his crate although I'm betting he's outgrown it in a few weeks.

Happy, healthy and adorable addition to the family!

It amazes me we are from the same planet. Least of all Parents.

Is it wrong to really and sincerely dislike a sibling? I am struggling with that at the moment, and after our holiday dinner last night I kind of came to a conclusion - I REALLY dont particularly like my sister. I see people that look forward to family time, that want to hang out with siblings; for a long time I wanted that, but I dont think we are ever going to get there.  For those who dont know I am the oldest of 3 girls at 35, the Bitch just turned 34 and the Baby is 28.

I know that bothered me at one point...that my sisters and I arent close. I know that about 10 years ago the other 2 were very close, well that was what I thought at the time - looking back I think that the Bitch just didnt have anyone else willing to put up with her shit so she made the Baby do it and the Baby didnt know any better so she did. They have since grown apart. A lot. Like to the point that it honestly wouldnt surprise me if the 2 of them never spoke by choice again - the Bitch holds a grudge like nothing I have ever seen & the Baby has never felt is it her job to make relationships work - I do my best to stay far away from all of it. There is a metric fuck ton of history and bullshit between the 2 of them. I have heard bits and pieces from both but to be perfectly frank I dont give a fuck, I had nothing to do with any of it and dont trust either one of them to ever tell the truth of it - they both have that "lie when the truth fits best" thing going on. Short version - there are some trust issues there that run both ways that I dont see being resolved for a really long time.

This sucks a lot for my mom and dad. I think the only thing they want is what every parent wants at the holidays - all their kiddies and grandkiddies rounded up around the table having a meal and celebrating the holiday together...you know that Norman Rockwell picture perfect arent we the happiest family ever bullshit? It makes me sad that the 2 of them cant even put away all of their bullshit to give that to my folks. It really isnt all that hard to set aside personal bullshit and suck it up. I do it every year :-) I dont think we all collectively have been together for a holiday in 3 or 4 years.  I dont really care about seeing the Bitch and the Baby, but I really miss seeing all the kids together.

Last night we Turkeyed at Mom's. The Bitch was there w her live-in boyfriend, sans kids because they had Thanksgiving with their dad this year, and the Baby wasnt there (as is tradition). The ladies were sitting around the table after dinner having a conversation, the men watching football in the den, all normal as could be. Our topic of conversation wasnt the point - the jist - the Bitch felt very strongly about it and I can see both sides of it so have yet to formulate a firm opinion one way or another. As one would in a conversation with differing opinions I was asking her questions - we were having a conversation. All of a sudden, and seriously like from zero to rage in 5 seconds flat, she goes furious red and yells at me that I just think Im right. Which I dont, and said as much to her; I dont know whats right or wrong, Im still chewing on it hence I was asking her questions. She then called me a bitch and stormed out of the room mumbling things under her breath. I told her to grow up, she told me to go fuck myself. In front of my grandmother, too. She really is just THAT charming. I laughed at her. I doubt that did much to chill her out but I dont really care...a 34 year old storming out of a room just like she did when she was 10 is funny as hell.

But it made me think. If she wasnt my sister I would have nothing to do with her. I have no patience for people that act the way she does. I would never actively seek out a friendship with someone I do not trust. Her most dominant personality traits are ones that immediately turn me off when I meet new people. Even down to her mannerisms and the way she speaks. Everything about her repels me. I cant imagine being close with someone who is so close minded name calling is their idea of a solid argument. Her idea of keeping up with current events is watching Entertainment Tonight. Im not judging any of that. Whatever works for her, none of my business, just not my kind of people.

The same can be said in reverse. She doesnt "get" me either. She doesnt get why I dont care about living in the suburbs or driving a super nice car, or why shopping is not a driving force in my life, or why I dont like the Bachelor or American Idol. She doesnt understand my politics mainly because she has no opinion or knowledge on the topic and has no idea why I care. She thinks I am less because I choose not to have children. She is wrong - she needed kids to validate her existence, I validate my existence in other ways. Neither is better, neither is worse. She thinks I am weird. She thinks I married a strange man. She thinks we have the wrong goals and direction.

This means I am doing it right.

Ive known her since the day she was born. I watched her practice and perfect all the bullshit games she plays and manipulations that make up the thing she calls a life. I think this bothers her more than anything because none of them work on me.  When she got up and walked out of the room calling me a bitch and telling me to go fuck myself I laughed. I laughed because I finally realized HOLY SHIT I AM NEVER GOING TO LIKE THAT WOMAN.

Im done. Im done trying to like her. I wont ignore her or anything like that, that would be juvenile, I can coexist with her whenever Ive been doing that for years, but I'm done trying to like her and feeling, to some degree, like Im wrong for not. Is it wrong to stop trying & just accept that I dont like her and never will?

Delicious Food & Fond Memories

Oh I have made some deliciousness to send out into the world in the last couple days and will be heading home today to create some more!

So next month we are doing a special feature menu centered around Belgium and I want the cheese boards to be the real deal. I spent yesterday making up a country style pate with pistachios and orange & fennel chicken terrine. Love them both. Ive been on a pate buying kick lately for home, but just havent found one that I am over the moon about. I compare them to my own and am always kind of disappointed in the flat flavor. Ive gotten it from Crested Duck at Pittsburgh Public Market, D'Artagnan from Market District and they were both good, but fell kind of flat for me. Honestly I think its because when they are made the folks forget that anything served cold has to taste over seasoned when hot to taste right when chilled. If you cook off a sample piece it should taste salty almost when its eaten so when pressed & chilled its right. Either way I had a how to make & press pate lesson with my production guy, unmoled those puppies today and they are PERFECT. This makes me happy.

The terrines are something I like a lot. They are a bit "old school" as far as when they were popular, but when they are made well they are simply divine.  They are generally made with a relatively universal meat - like chicken, turkey, even pork - and are garnished with so many different things.  Personally I love a dried cherry & cashew terrine, or a spinach & feta.  More or less they are a shaped & seasoned forcemeat that is poached very slowly, chilled & served cold.  The one I made yesterday was fresh fennel braised in fresh squeezed orange juice with some orange zest. I generally am not a fan of fennel, but these came out absolutely perfect. The terrines are really nice as a luncheon dish, accoutrement for a cheese board or on finger sandwiches with some flavored mayo.


Also made a beer brined roasted half chicken that is going to be served with a dried cherry stock reduction sauce.  This dish w that sauce may get me into my restaurants to eat multiple times when Im off work in May. Brined the chickens for about 36 hours in a Belgian beer brine, spritzed them with some extra virgin olive oil and then dusted with herbs de provence & cracked black pepper.  The brine makes them so tender & the skin crisped up beautifully. The sauce for this is one of my absolute favorites veal stock reduction sauces made with a cherry lambic & dried cherries, oh so perfect for this chicken dish. I cant wait to eat it fully assembled.

Loving that I am having a close to flawless cooking week :-)

Tonight I am adventuring into the wide & wonderful world of sausage making. My Popop (Dad's Dad) was a foreman for Armour for years & used to make, every Christmas & Easter, a special fresh Kielbasa  with my Nana that was a family favorite. He didnt use any curing salts so it was gray, but it was rich & loaded with garlic and spices. It is one of those food memories that I will never ever forget. I remember watching him make it, getting yelled at by my Nana to get my fingers away from the manual meat grinder, the smell of it simmering on the stove when I walked into their house that meant HOLIDAYS, the amazement of watching him stuff the natural casings with ease and wondering if I could do that too (for the record every time I tried back then it was an amusing FAIL, but I never gave up); it didnt start out as one of my favorites, but I always ate it and as I got older I learned to love it ~ the gray color was a turn off for me, once I got over it it was wonderful!

Fast forward to now - I'm no longer a kid, my Popop has been gone for close to a decade now, my Nana, thanks to a fall, is just starting her new life in an assisted living home and the huge family gatherings of my past are no more.  I actually miss having the 30 of us all together for the holidays like we used to, but it just doesnt happen that way anymore. My uncle & his family moved to Florida. My Aunt & her family have decided their status & their McMansion make them too good to spend the holidays at home with their family so they are skiing, beaching or golfing for every major holiday. I can honestly say I dont think Ive actually spoken to my Aunt in about 5 years, not due to some huge falling out - we just live on different planets and she happens to think my planet is a scary scary place.

Since Popop passed my Dad has tried, valiantly, to recreate what Popop used to make. Now in traditional old school methods there are no recipes to follow ~ you ask Nana now and she says "oh you need a bowl of fresh ground pork the size of my favorite ceramic mixing bowl I got as a wedding gift, you need the marjoram from the 4 plants in the yard to dry over the winter (thats a measurement in her world) and enough garlic so you can smell it"...so yeah not very helpful.  But I get it. Thats the way I cook. I cook from taste, not from a book or recipe. If Ive eaten it there is a really good chance I can recreate it next to perfectly within 2, at the max 3, shots at it. Its a pretty awesome skill if I do say so myself. Dad's attempts have been pretty disastrous, really. He kept trying to make it lean. Lean & sausage are not ever meant to go together. He also isnt a fan of seasoning, so his 2 or 3 attempts have been dry, hard & bland....sounds delicious, huh?

So this year I have decided to try to resurrect this tradition and am going to try to make Popop's Kielbasa for Easter. Ive got the goods at home (sans the marjoram dried from the plants in Nana's yard, some dried from Penzy's will have to do) and plan to spend my evening with The Mister grinding 20 pounds of pork butt & salt pork, seasoning it up & stuffing it into yards of natural casings. If I am lucky I will be able to make the neat coils of kielbasa he used to make and neatly wrap in butcher paper to take to Mom & Dad's on Sunday. I miss my Pops...he was a ornery old man but he was our ornery old man & I hope I can do it justice. At the very least I know Ill be able to get it closer than Dad did :-)

I will have to let you know how this turns out - if it is a success I am also going to try to make Nana's Cinnamon Cake on Saturday. it isnt really a cake as much as it is a sweet egg bread, similar to a Challah with raisins actually, but instead of braiding its loafed up and topped with this cinnamon crust that kind of reminds me of that sweet cinnamony stuff on top of the sun dried tomato bread at Panera. Its one of those recipes that you have to follow to the letter or it doesnt come out right. Mom has been making it for years and its pretty good, but she goes back & forth between undercooking, which makes it wicked heavy and doughy, or overcooking, which makes it dry & hard. Its not a recipe I have ever struggled with & Mom is up to her eyeballs dealing with 2 Nanas in 2 different assisted living joints that both want her undivided attention ~ not jealous of her at all.

Hope you all have a great holiday however you plan to spend it.  I plan to spend mine in a food & beer induced coma :-) Happy Weekend!!!

SEVEN DAYS!!!!

Its been a week. A FULL WEEK! I think Im over the hump so to speak and can say with some certainty that I am a non-smoker. I can sincerely say that this is the first time I have ever made it this long without completely collapsing and just buying a pack. No cheats no matter how tempted because I know me and that would have been all it would have taken for me to fall off the proverbial wagon.

I had my first real "my precious" nicotine moment yesterday for the week and gum came to the rescue.  I have meeting with my store managers (90% of which smoke) every month and yesterday and today are those days. When the meeting breaks we generally head out front to chitchat & have a smoke, I was involved in a couple diff conversations so I wandered out with them. Mistake. 5 of them standing there smoking away in front of me. Any of them would have given me one or a hit if I had asked. First time since I quit that I actually thought well maybe Ill just have 1 and thats all. I kicked myself in the head, found my gum and resisted the urge. 

Will power has NEVER been a strength of mine when it comes to vices and I was quite proud that I didnt fold and take one. I also am still looking forward to the day that smell will gross me out. Sources say its going to be another week or so and I will start to be incredibly sensitive to it. It already repulses me when a hard core smokers wanders past me and their clothes reek of dirty ashtray, but that smell has always grossed me out. I need the wafting smell of cigarette smoke to turn my stomach...and the sooner the better.

Have to go into town post meeting tonight to visit my Gram in the hospital - Mercy.  She tripped over a rug in her bathroom and jacked up her Tibia.  Didnt break the knee cap as originally thought, but cracked the top of the tibia. After much debate it has been decided that surgery is a senseless risk that she would not benefit from, which I am pretty sure is the exact decision she wanted us to make but would do what my dad & aunt thought was best for her. At the moment she is all drugged up on pain pills so shes as comfortable as she can be and awaiting a transfer to a skilled nursing facility in Bethel Park where she will be 12 weeks in a wheel chair so it can heal.  She already walks with a cane & will now probably have to use a walker, but it will heal and she will be mostly mobile again.

Granted the injury could have been worse, but I think this is the end of her being able or even wanting to live on her own.  Shes been alone in her own home since my pap passed 6 years ago and she does amazingly well, but I think this will have shaken her and she will be afraid to stay alone.  She had to crawl to the phone to call my aunt for help and thankfully she could. It makes me sad. Shes been a strong, independent woman my entire life and it makes me sad to see that coming to an end no matter how smart or in her best interest that may be. Fortunately a lot of her church buddies have also moved into assisted living retirement homes so she will be happy to be closer to them for her card games and such and overall will still lead a very happy & much safer existence ~ but I still dont like to see it. Part of it is a sadness for the major and unexpected change she is going to go through, the other is this being a milestone in my life...she was my last grandparent that was living on her own and watching my dad have to make these decisions with my aunt for her is hard. Not only is she getting older but I am too.

She is going to be in the hospital for the holidays so we are going to do everything we can to make that as awesome for her as possible. Christmas is her favorite holiday so since she cant come to it we will bring it to her. All things considered the catalyst for this transition for her could have been so much more severe and on the sunny side I am happy as hell it isnt serious, she will heal and she will bounce back however slowly...but it still marks the end of an era that I dont think any of us were wanting to see.