OMG IT DIDNT RAIN!!!!

Ive been determined to not let this wet & gloomy weather get me in a funk. I have seen a crap ton of somewhat justified bitching on the interwebs about all the muck outside and had no desire to take part in it. I get why parents would be hating this shit - my dogs have been all stir crazy not being able to get outside so I can only imagine the level of suck when its small humans all wired for sound and able to actually speak and stuff - but more or less its weather. Bitch all you want - its not going to change so suck it up is generally my feeling.

But I was off this weekend on a fluke. And for the first time in MONTHS it didnt rain. ::knock me over with a feather::

A couple weeks ago I decided to fuck Mother Nature and her bipolar temper tantrums and go ahead and plant all my herbs, tomatoes, window boxes and porch planters. They all looked fabulous. But there was still this black hole of overgrown SUCK that was going to take some time & energy to deal with - and some dry - it was a freaking SWAMP in the garden.

Last year we tried a vegetable garden - and it was moderately successful...if you define success as getting to harvest like 65% of the veggies before they were eaten by fuzzy woodland creatures or rotted, having the whole area go until almost August before it was over 50% weeds or that I was able to get it all cut back before winter so it wasnt a TOTAL wreck this spring. (I am rather generous with my definition of success when it comes to gardening) I, again mind you, made it abundantly clear that I have not inherited my parents' green thumbs and have been left asking the question, again, as to WHY I keep trying. Im sure The Mister asks himself that question, too, but he gamely goes along with whatever harebrained scheme I concoct for the yard each spring. I havent decided if he does it to humor me, if he harbors the same delusions of farmerhood as I do or if he realizes the futility of arguing and pointing out the insanity of my desire to garden. I guess it could be all 3, really.

So this year started the same. I AM GOING TO HAVE A VEGETABLE GARDEN DAMMIT! And I planted all the little seedlings and got them under a grow light and watered them, read them self help books to boost their confidence and all that bullshit for about 5 weeks then did what Mindy's almost always do - one night I said Id water them the next night. The next night I said Id do it in the morning. The next morning I forgot. The next evening I watered them all so much they almost swam away. The next night I figured Id watered them so much the night before they really didn't need the water....and so on and so forth until these poor seedlings were in need of vegetable therapy due to abuse & neglect.

UNCLE! I admit defeat. Plans changed. I decided that I needed to own my complete inability to stick with a gardening regime. That instead of trying to make myself be the farmer that I feel I should be for some unknown reason I need to just  deal with the fact that I am not ever going to grow zucchini like my dad, that the idea of having to "weed" anything 3 or 4 times a week is more of a commitment than I am willing to make and that the CSA we signed up for and a few farmers markets will give me all the veg I need minus the complete feeling of failure when I pull up to my house and see the sad sad sad patch of land I called a garden.

So with no further ado I present to you...BEFORE

Those spikey things in the front right are asparagus. I kept those, just trimmed them down. And that monstrous green thing in front of that meter is cilantro. Yeah. Seriously. Cilantro. And there are some mutant strains of lettuce and the weeds that thrive in my neighborhood. Its it lovely? My window boxes and herbs are all up there too, so from the porch side it looks happy - but from the street ~ train-mothereffing-wreck!

And then the sun came out. And the ground became less swampy. And I wasnt at work. And neither was The Mister. Angels sung!!

So we spent the weekend ripping shit up. For the first time since I have had a yard every single perennial (and annual) that i have bought has been planted, in its home, BEFORE it has wilted and died.

I know! Right! The ones on the wall are to go under a hose on the side of the house, but everything else is planted, the mulch is down and my house looks nice again!!!

I still have to trim that stupid carpet piece I keep forgetting about and will probably add some more plants as the season progresses - I already have homes picked out for some mums I havent even bought yet and some ground cover pieces that I want for under the dwarf Japanese Maple, but holy hell it looks like a different house to me!

I just want to go sit in it.

This was 1 of 2 bitch projects outside this summer. The other one isnt one that I can help much with ~ The Mister has to tear down and rebuild a retaining wall that holds up the patio. I doubt it will be much fun, but with the birth of this garden I was able to move the 3 big azaleas that were in that planter so when it is done I can plant it with strawberry plants. Oh yes - homemade strawberry jam FTW!!

Which reminds me I am going to post a Strawberry Pretzel Cheesecake recipe here in the next day or so. It was so good my mouth is watering just thinking about it. And it was EASY.

Aside: Yesterday was week 6 of non-smoking. Yep folks. SIX Weeks! I am taking the pills when I remember too, but that isnt all too often. Still dealing with the occasional want to have a smoke, but they are fewer & further between than before and ever so much easier to dismiss.

I am LOVING this summer start so far...rain or no rain!

Progress!!! (a.k.a the post I really wanted to put up today :-)

So this was my original post for today before the world erupted late last night...

Yesterday at 9:30am marked a full 3 weeks of me being a nonsmoker. Three weeks, 21 days, 504 hours. To some this may not seem like all that much of an accomplishment. I feel safe in assuming they also have never had a pack a day plus habit to battle out against no one but themselves. I can definitely say this is by far the longest I have ever made it in a stop smoking campaign and I am still finding it hard to believe that I'm almost to the 30-day mark.  That whole 30 days to relearn a habit is a benchmark I have set for myself hoping that it works and I will have broken the habits of when I smoke and the random "I want a cigarette" moments will be fewer and further in between.

The Zyban has helped. A lot from what I can tell. It is somewhat hard to judge though; this is the honest to goodness first time that I have felt at peace with my decision to quit so that may also be playing a role. I havent had any adverse side effects that I can tell from taking the medication. Part of me wants to test it and stop taking them - I am not a huge fan of taking medication - but the other part feels that they wouldnt prescribe it for 12 weeks if it wasnt necessary to take it for 12 weeks so I should probably shut the fuck up and do as I was told...which is probably what I will do. Not worth risking falling off this wagon when Ive been on it for so long.

I am still having the random urges to smoke. Its strange because there is no pattern to why I have the craving, but it happens at least once a day that I have the overwhelming urge to find and inhale a cigarette. Doesnt help that I also have a really bad lil devil that likes to help me rationalize all kinds of bad decisions. The lil angel seems to be stronger than lil devil so I am still winning the battles and havent cheated. I wont consider the war as won until Im off the meds.  Talking to a bunch of ex-smokers they tell it kind of similar to an alcoholic, I will just be a smoker who doesnt smoke. I sincerely hope this isnt true. But I can totally see that it may be. Kinda sucks...but if I never wanted to crave nicotine I should have never started smoking...so I cant be all that bitter, really. My choice, now I get to reap the rewards of being an amazingly dumb 17 year old. Lucky me :-)

My other big deal was the completion of the painting of the steps.  The Mister & I are in week 3 of a major home improvement project - we are completely redoing the foyer & upstairs hallway. I decided, and whether this was smart or not will remain to be seen, to paint all of the wood work in those areas. This has been a major undertaking in that there is a metric fuck ton of wood in both of theses spots - an entire stair case, banisters & steps; the whole foyer which is one of those wicked leaded glass, side windows plus door; 3 bedroom doors, 2 closet doors, 1 bathroom door & a window frame to round it all out. Im doing it all in two colors so its not just as easy as tossing some paint on them and walking away.

I started with the hardest part first and yesterday afternoon I put the final touches on the staircase and all of its bullshit. I LOVE how it turned out, I did NOT love the sheer amount of tedious detail work involved with it. The doors upstairs are going to be a pain, but NOTHING compared to these steps with all the shit on them. They have been so bad that I have only been working on them a couple hours a time because I get so bored by the tediousness I get stabby, hence its taken this long. So when I got it done finally I did the happy girl dance. I see the light at the end of this project. Finally. Woooo!

Not a bad weekend, really. And finishing up that hard part means more motivation to complete the rest of it so the Mister can lay the new floor.  Ahhhhh....the joys of home ownership. Tell me again why I dont just fucking rent?!? Oh yeah...because I decided to buy a house at 23 and didnt realize until I was 28 that 1) that was a horrible idea, 2) I got completely FUCKED on the deal and 3) buying a house isnt all its cracked up to be when you dont have kids & a school district to worry about. Moral of the story kids: when your much older parents try to tell you something, like not to buy an old house at 23, think twice before not listening. Some shit just isnt so easy to get out of...a mortgage on a house is a dying neighborhood is one of those things.

Day #1 - The Bitch is a Lil Bit Bitchier :-)

So at this point I have officially completed the first 24 hours of being smoke free. Honestly I think I am handling it pretty ok.  I can honestly say that as of yet I have not felt any ZOMG GIVE ME NICOTINE BEFORE I BREAK YOU moments and the hardest parts have been the habit breaks - like getting in the car to go to work, after I ate lunch today and when some of the guys I work with went out to go BS & have a smoke.  This is actually pretty consistent with the other 42 times Ive tried. Ive heard people say that they have these awful nicotine cravings...but I dont know that I ever really did.  Cigarettes are the BEST excuse ever to take 5 in a restaurant ~ you dont smoke you dont get a break. Either way I havent cheated yet, havent really had the urge to and I think I inspired the main smoker I work with to quit with me meaning my office will not have any smokers that I can bumm one off of and that is SWEET!

So the cravings might not be all that bad...but the overly aggressive I am going to tell you off whether you like it or not and you better damn well stand there and take it because if you werent so stupid in the first place I wouldnt be this annoyed so this is all your fault moments....yeah Ive had a couple of them. They are like a more extreme version of PMS. The reasonable person in my head is all "whoa woman, you need to chill out, annoyed & bitching is one thing...scaring the person you are talking to is another" but then the raging bitch in my brain beat up Miss Reasonable, hog tied her and threw her in the back until the I Wanna Smoke Monster has vacated the premise.  Honestly I think Miss Raging Bitch actually is just enjoying being let off her leash a little bit and is taking advantage...and I have been somewhat selective with my victims because some deserve my wrath more than others.  Fortunately I am not really known as being warm & fuzzy with most people, so my being a tad more aggressive will be noted, but not in any extreme way so theres always that.

And its snowing today! This will help bolster some Christmas cheer...just havent been feeling it yet.  We have Christmas dinner at my house every year so I have to do some decorating and such, but I think Im going to keep it somewhat low key this year. The holiday for me is less about driving myself insane trying to make sure its the absolutely most perfectest Christmas ever and my world drips in lights & tinsel...its more about getting to spend time with my family & friends over good food & drinks. I do have to start my baking though soon; or at the very least start to make up the list of what I plan to be baking. last year I made in the month of December 3460 cookies (not a made up number!) and this year we have added a new restaurant with a ginormous staff so that means more baking to do.  I definitely cant afford to buy each of my employees a gift, but I make up huge platter of cookies for them to munch on the days leading up to Christmas as a thanks.

I havent even begun shopping, but I really dont have all that much to buy and will do 99% of it on line. I despise malls and shopping and crowds...i adore the interwebs and free shipping!!

Tonight though it is going to be cookiecity at my moms. My nephew needs 48 cookies for the afterparty for his performance recital on Saturday and since I'm not attending (its another Jebus Play and he hasnt asked for me to be there) he has requested that I make him his most favorite cut out cookies and help decorate them so he can take them with him. I also FINALLY get to go through my Grandmothers Fenton Glass collection that she has been building since she got married in 1942 or so tonight with Mom.  There are a few pieces that Gram insists that I have and a bunch of others my Mom thinks I will want and Im excited.  I have been itching to go through this stuff because I adore some of her pieces and cant wait to check them out.

Im sincerely looking forward to the near future when all of my thoughts arent punctuated by "smoke break"...but i feel like Im doing ok and am not going to slay any dragons before i get there.....

Related: I would give my left arm for some Peanut Butter M&Ms right about now :-)