I already know I perpetrated a Stupid.

And yes...it was a Stupid with a capital "S".

So Monday night/Tuesday morning. I am sleeping, as I should be at 3am. Cell phone rings (we dont keep a house phone & it has to be on because I am the first call for the security company for all of our buildings - you SO want my job now, dontcha?!?) and its our security company telling me that a motion detector has been tripped on the second floor of the restaurant closest to my house. Fine. Am I happy about this ~ fuck no. Did I lay there and pout for 10 minutes or so ~ hell yes. But I eventually got up, found clothes, pulled the hair into a ponytail and head to the store to see what stupid fucking Oktoberfest decoration set of the stupid fucking alarm that I am getting up at 3am to go check out. Because every damn call I have to go on is something dumb like that, but I still have to go. I did ask them to send the cops out, but I ask them that most times and have yet to actually see one.

I get there around 3:30. I drive the lot & walk the perimeter, I dont notice anything alarming. I go inside and in my best Paul Rudd Wet Hot American Summer impression I start to check the building. I hit all the lights, look for anything out of place, stomp around a bit and dont find anything out of whack that would have set off the alarm. I am confused by this. I believe I said so out loud while standing in the second floor dining room tired & out of sorts. Yes, I talk to myself, dont judge. I do a very perfunctory look in the upstairs bathrooms, hit the lights, go back to main floor, walk the basement (fucking CREEPY when its NOT the middle of the night for the record) check all the doors, still see nothing odd, hit all the lights, reset the alarm and go home. Cranky. I was home a smidgen before 4am.

At 4:10am my phone rings AGAIN. Its the security company AGAIN. Telling me the upstairs motion detector went off AGAIN. This time I tell this way-too-fucking-happy-to-be-calling-me-at-4am-woman to silence the alarm, send the cops and ignore that sensor...something must be wrong with it and I will deal with it in the morning. She says fine, whats your passcode, enjoy the rest of your evening blahblahblah. I go back to sleep.

At 5:07am the phone rings. Guess who it is this time? If you took the security company you WIN!!! I got bitchy. Something to the effect of "which part of ignore that goddamn sensor did you NOT get when I told you an hour ago?!?!?" to which the pleasant lady replied "well we are, for the upstairs, but this time its the bar & side door. In that order." Hmmmmm. This is odd. Unless the whole system shit the bed. Which would also be odd. So I have to go back in and check it out. I tried the boss first because he is usually up at 5am...but he didnt answer my text & I didnt want to call.

So I go back. And this time I go over that place for about an hour trying to figure out WTF is setting off the alarm. I find a bottle of tripel sec & a screw driver on the floor behind the bar that wasnt there at 3am. I dont like that, its just not right & no reasonable way for them to get there outside of our building's ghost - which is not out of the question.  I finished up around 6am. Didnt rearm the building because the opening manager was due in in about half an hour, came home and emailed the boss to 1) tell him what had been happening all night and 2) tell him my ass wouldnt be in until later because I needed some fucking sleep and then go back to bed. Where I promptly passed out.

Woke up at 10am and the boss texted me that yeah, someone had in fact attempted to break in but was unsuccessful.  They had smashed in a window under the deck and tried to gain access by removing the hinges from a door. They failed because the doors wont open that way...

Him telling me this weirded me out. They could have been under the deck while I was there. Wasnt freaked out, just a tad unsettled.

Well after I go back in daylight and start piecing together all of the stuff the Boss found and what I found and doing some Sherlock Holmes work me & my General Manager are convinced that there was definitely SOMEONE in the building last night. Had to be. Boss is unconvinced. We ask him to come down so we can show him what we found that has us so sure. We show him, he is skeptical. We push harder, he believes.

So this is what happened after it was all figured out.  At some point after the closers left at 1:30am someone broke in under the deck. They busted 2 screwdrivers and destroyed the door hinges in their FAIL to get in. When this didnt work they tried to pry open a door on our deck & on the side of the building - both new doors and also a fail. They then used our hood duct work and the deck railing to get onto a roof that gives access to the 2nd floor windows and came in through said window, setting off the alarm at 3am. I can only assume they were on the 2nd floor while I was at 3:30am hiding somewhere I didnt find them. *shudder*

They attempted to leave a little after 4am, setting off the alarm again because I had reset it while I was there. But this time I didnt go out, I just had them silence it so as not to bug our neighbors and went back to bed. But Im guessing they hid again waiting for me to come back or the cops to arrive. Either way they stopped moving.

At 5am they moved again, only this time down the service steps, into the kitchen and behind the bar...where they attempted to clean sweep a liquor shelf quickly, dropping the screw driver they brought up from under the deck, knocking over the tripel sec and a bottle of tequila we found behind a piece of equipment. They grabbed partial bottles of Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Well Bourbon, Grenadine (LOLZ), Seagrams VO & SoCo. Less than $40 worth of liquor, really, it was just the closest to the door and the alarm was blaring at this point. They dropped the grenadine outside by the side door, where boss found it in the morning.

I arrived about 10 minutes after the alarm went off. I probably missed their exit by a couple minutes.

Fucked up, huh? Things I figured out: 1) Not going to go into a building on an alarm call without a cop no matter the circumstances ever again. I was naive to just assume it was something dumb setting off the alarm. 2) I am amazingly lucky. I could have been very seriously hurt if I had come across this person on my first trip in had I accidentally confronted them while I was there. *shudder* and 3) I really really really miss my big lab, Diamond, that passed last February. I usually took him with me on calls because he was the Protector & would have let me know that I wasnt alone in that building at 3:30am.

We finished Tuesday night at The ScareHouse for the Crazy Scary event that was a fantabulous fundraiser & one hell of a good time that raised almost $6300 for Christmas Crazy & Make Room for Kids which is awesome.

And I have decided the only kind of scary I want to experience for awhile is of the Haunted House/Scary Movie variety. No more creeping on thieves by myself in the middle of the night. Promise.

An adventure in food blogging

I blog about food alot. I know this, its what I do and what I like. I wouldnt call this a "food blog" though. I was quite disappointed that I wasnt able to join PghPodCamp this last weekend, but I was able to listen & watch a few streaming while I was at work and that kind of rocked. I got to see Michelle from BurghBaby and loved her presentation and caught a little bit from a food blog focused presentation that I also liked & introduced me to some food blogs I didnt even know existed. I will be making it a point to get there for at least 1 day next year...I dont wanna miss out!

So Ive spent a few evenings checking them out and just seeing what they say.  I, personally, couldnt run a food blog. I kind of feel that would somewhat a conflict of interest. Running local restaurants I dont feel it would be considered kosher for me to critique the work of others...well that and I really dont have time to go out so many nights a week to make that worth it. But I found a few to be great and a couple others that made me stabby.

The good ones are well written, objective and informative. The ones that have made me stabby bring to mind people who have watched too much TV, have a key board and feel the need to share. I will not list names or link to their blogs, I dont think that is fair and Im not looking to start a food blogger war but if you are a food blogger and you are reading some things to consider...

• You cant go into a restaurant to review it, modify a menu item from its original form and them bitch you didnt like it. Of course you didnt like it. Chefs dont put menus and foods together because we have nothing better to do - it is done that way because that is the flavor profile we were going for and all of the components need to be included in order to get the dish. If you change it its now YOUR dish and we cannot be held responsible for your poor taste.

• You cant go once and thats it. No food writers does that, even the really really good ones. You have to go back 3-5 times on average to get a solid feel for the consistency of the service & food, check out a variety of menu items and get a feel for the atmosphere. To only go in once, order 1 item and then make a snap judgment about a place is unfair. I mean seriously, just as a customer I would never go someplace once, have a bad or mediocre experience and write it off completely. Thats narrow minded & short sighted. It isnt possible to get a full scope of any business with 1 visit, especially a restaurant or bar.

It was painfully obvious reading some of the blogs that about half of them have never stepped foot in a professional kitchen and the knowledge they are basing their "reviews" on is from reading Bon Appetit & Gourmet and watching Food Network. Im sorry, but liking to eat and liking food doesnt make you qualified to review someone's work. I know that I can go into a restaurant, order a dish and when its put down in front of me know that the fish doesnt have a crisp crust because a line cook didnt heat their pan enough, or the mashed potatoes are gooey because they were allowed to cool too much prior to mashing or the green beans are shriveled because they were cooked from a raw state with too much acid - that puts me at a distinct advantage and in a unique position to honestly evaluate the food in front of me. I dont feel some of these self proclaimed food writers are able to do that...so how do they objectively review anyplace? Can they identify that the plate put in front of them was at one point perfect, but because a server took too long to get back to the kitchen and it sat under a heat lamp and is now lamp burnt - which doesnt mean bad cooks - it means bad servers. I also noted a bunch of "I" statements going on...food reviewing isnt about your personal tastes or preferences, its about the technical merit & flavor of a dish. I personally cant stand curry powder - but you put a curried dish in front of me I can appreciate it for what it is and tell you if it is good or not - personal feelings about curry aside.

As an industry professional I take bad reviews of my work personally...especially if it was literally MY work. In my current position yeah, I might create a recipe, but I depend on my staff to execute them and rarely am I actually the one making your food in any of my restaurants...so I tend to get irritated by them, but not hurt...and a hell of a lot more likely to go find the offending KM and crawl up his ass and out his mouth so he understands exactly what they did wrong and it never happens again. But reading some of these blogs I actually felt bad for the chefs. We do what we do because we love it, and its a bitch having to read what some dude wrote about the ONE night he came in that you were training a new grill cook who over cooked a steak or burger, didnt tell his server about it so we could fix it and then writes a post saying the cooks at This Restaurant cant cook. Harsh man...and not true.

I have a few notes for you folks...

1. If you are so damn good at what we do and think you can do it better come on down and give it a shot. I will be more than happy to sit idly by and watch over a beer while you drive yourself nuts trying to do what we do everyday...and when you collapse in tears in a corner I will also happily jump in and bail you out. I dont come into your full time marketing job (or whatever it is these folks do to as their day jobs) and and tell you how to do your job. I would never assume I could walk into your office and proceed to tell you what you need to do to make your operation better - why would you assume your qualified to that to us? Eating in a restaurant doesnt qualify you to run one - ask any of the millions of people who have failed at operating a restaurant & try to be objective about what you experience.
2. Restaurants are operated and staffed by humans. Seriously. Real live humans. And guess what...we have bad days too! Ever have one of those days at the office that the fax machine blows up or you forgot to do something for a flipping out client or clicked the wrong button and lost 4 hours of work because you forgot to save...you know, the days that make you want to walk in front of a bus? Restaurant employees have those days too. We have days where shit just doesnt click, the day that you forget to ring in a tables apps, or forget to run their salads, or just cant get the timing right for shit coming off the grill or drop the last item on an 8 top on the floor and have to hold the whole check back for the refire or the managers didnt order liquor so your out of well vodka or the bartender is fighting with her boyfriend and just cant it together to get service bar drinks up in any kind of a timely fashion. We are people, not robots, and we have lives too and as much as we would love to be able to leave that bullshit at home it doesnt always work. Only differences are 1) we dont get "personal days" to handle our shit...we have to go to work and 2) we get to take the abuse of patrons who think we should be infallible and think its ok to treat us like garbage because we made a mistake. Believe me - there is not a single person I know who works in the food industry that sets out to make sure their guests have the worst experience ever or to fuck up their food order. That would be stupid.
3. Realize that it is entirely possible that you just dont get the restaurant you are at. One of the reviews I read basically had the writer raking a place over the coals because the menu wasnt "pretentious" enough for the location. Ummm...Ive been to the place he was referencing, multiple times...and that was their point. The point of this place was to create an environment that fit aesthetically into their neighborhood without loosing their comfy feel and in my opinion pulled it off beautifully. This guy just didnt get it and then felt the need to make this the basis for half of his review. Um no. Thats bullshit. And yet another reason to visit a place a couple times, get to know it and then pass judgment on it - but after reading a few of his other reviews I feel he has that problem more often than not...well that and we just do not agree about food. 
4. I read quite a few that were obviously written by people with crushes on the owners/staff/ management. Thats some epic level bullshit. I read about places that get constant raves about how fanfreakingtastic they are...in my experiences at these same places its less than awesome - which I feel comfortable saying because Ive gone to them. Are they good bars/restaurants? Yes. Do they have a pretty great atmosphere? Yes, in most cases. Is there food amazing? No. Not by a long shot on most of my experiences. Is their service exceptional? Not at all usually.  Are they cheap? In some of the cases, yes; in the majority of them, no. BUT I know why these places get sucked off (pardon my french) by anyone who reviews the place...they know how to pimp and who to pimp to. I havent read one review of most of these places that I would say reflects any of the experiences that I have had at them. They are some of my more regular watering holes because I like them, I like the staff, I like the menus & regardless of the imperfections I will go because I want to. Some of them I will get fed up with and wont go back for awhile, but I always end up giving them another shot eventually.  As an operator its a brilliant marketing strategy for creating a loyal customer base, but that isnt the purpose of a restaurant review & isnt bait that a reviewing blogger should take. Facts about their operation shouldnt be skewed by personal feelings about the staff. Go ahead and hang there all you want...but the review should be honest & unbiased.

As a professional I welcome valid feedback. I want to know what people think of my food. I want to here that I made you a dish that made you quiver or that I missed the mark on seasoning whatever. I like that level of interaction - will I get defensive - SURE! You are attacking what is in essence a part of me that I gave you and I should take that personally, but it makes me better at what I do. I enjoy reading what others think about my places and that of my competition to stay ahead and see what my guests want and react to it. I just think less emotional attachment and more objective observation is key if you are going to label yourself a "foodie blog".

I dont know if I have said this before, but if I have you get to read it again. Every human on the planet should at some point in their lives have to work in a restaurant. EVERY human. The life skills learned in that environment are priceless. You learn conflict resolution, tolerance, patience, how to multi-task, how to handle difficult customers & coworkers, team work and immediate deadlines. You learn about all kinds of people and their backgrounds and cultures, you learn to laugh, how to not be so goddamn PC & sensitive and how to curse like a champ.  It would also teach people to treat service employees like humans...because there are far too many out there who are just out of line with their behavior & expectations when they are out to eat.

And if youre going to blog about food and "review" restaurants like a pro then do it like a pro and follow the basic etiquette about food writing. Realize the effect you have on the business you review and the potential customers you are either driving there or driving away. Yippie for you that you got a bazillion hits to your site...but in the mean time you have given a small restaurant a "bad service" tag that might not be true because you didnt do your homework adequately.

All that being said I still found some great bloggers that do objective reviews that actually give you a great scope of a place and have made me try places I might not ever have gone to and thats pretty damn awesome...and I promptly removed the ones who seem to be writing for their ego from my feed, their tabloid story like reviews are not valuable to me at all. I dont want to hear about your idiosyncratic dietary issues that led you to not like what you ordered...I want to know objectively what your experience was.