Day #1 - The Bitch is a Lil Bit Bitchier :-)

So at this point I have officially completed the first 24 hours of being smoke free. Honestly I think I am handling it pretty ok.  I can honestly say that as of yet I have not felt any ZOMG GIVE ME NICOTINE BEFORE I BREAK YOU moments and the hardest parts have been the habit breaks - like getting in the car to go to work, after I ate lunch today and when some of the guys I work with went out to go BS & have a smoke.  This is actually pretty consistent with the other 42 times Ive tried. Ive heard people say that they have these awful nicotine cravings...but I dont know that I ever really did.  Cigarettes are the BEST excuse ever to take 5 in a restaurant ~ you dont smoke you dont get a break. Either way I havent cheated yet, havent really had the urge to and I think I inspired the main smoker I work with to quit with me meaning my office will not have any smokers that I can bumm one off of and that is SWEET!

So the cravings might not be all that bad...but the overly aggressive I am going to tell you off whether you like it or not and you better damn well stand there and take it because if you werent so stupid in the first place I wouldnt be this annoyed so this is all your fault moments....yeah Ive had a couple of them. They are like a more extreme version of PMS. The reasonable person in my head is all "whoa woman, you need to chill out, annoyed & bitching is one thing...scaring the person you are talking to is another" but then the raging bitch in my brain beat up Miss Reasonable, hog tied her and threw her in the back until the I Wanna Smoke Monster has vacated the premise.  Honestly I think Miss Raging Bitch actually is just enjoying being let off her leash a little bit and is taking advantage...and I have been somewhat selective with my victims because some deserve my wrath more than others.  Fortunately I am not really known as being warm & fuzzy with most people, so my being a tad more aggressive will be noted, but not in any extreme way so theres always that.

And its snowing today! This will help bolster some Christmas cheer...just havent been feeling it yet.  We have Christmas dinner at my house every year so I have to do some decorating and such, but I think Im going to keep it somewhat low key this year. The holiday for me is less about driving myself insane trying to make sure its the absolutely most perfectest Christmas ever and my world drips in lights & tinsel...its more about getting to spend time with my family & friends over good food & drinks. I do have to start my baking though soon; or at the very least start to make up the list of what I plan to be baking. last year I made in the month of December 3460 cookies (not a made up number!) and this year we have added a new restaurant with a ginormous staff so that means more baking to do.  I definitely cant afford to buy each of my employees a gift, but I make up huge platter of cookies for them to munch on the days leading up to Christmas as a thanks.

I havent even begun shopping, but I really dont have all that much to buy and will do 99% of it on line. I despise malls and shopping and crowds...i adore the interwebs and free shipping!!

Tonight though it is going to be cookiecity at my moms. My nephew needs 48 cookies for the afterparty for his performance recital on Saturday and since I'm not attending (its another Jebus Play and he hasnt asked for me to be there) he has requested that I make him his most favorite cut out cookies and help decorate them so he can take them with him. I also FINALLY get to go through my Grandmothers Fenton Glass collection that she has been building since she got married in 1942 or so tonight with Mom.  There are a few pieces that Gram insists that I have and a bunch of others my Mom thinks I will want and Im excited.  I have been itching to go through this stuff because I adore some of her pieces and cant wait to check them out.

Im sincerely looking forward to the near future when all of my thoughts arent punctuated by "smoke break"...but i feel like Im doing ok and am not going to slay any dragons before i get there.....

Related: I would give my left arm for some Peanut Butter M&Ms right about now :-)

The bitch is back!!

Hot damn its been a while since Ive come to tend my little piece of the internets! Its been a busy busy busy couple months (as always) and Ive thought of a bazillion things that I wanted to blog about but just have just not taken the time to actually sit and write them out once I get home from work.

So this post is going to be a "random" post in a way because I have a goal here I want to share~

• The primary reason that I havent posted for a bit was because I was feeling a bit exposed.  I have unleashed my store managers on the Twitters because I couldn't keep up with the comings and goings that were necessary for the 5 of them.  My Twitter account is public (because I kind of feel like what is the point of twittering if you are going to privatize your account - if you are that worried about what you have to say then maybe you shouldnt be saying it) and it is my personal account - so the views, opinions and thoughts expressed here and there are MINE and mine alone. I make it a point to not mention anything specific about my place of work or my coworkers & employees here or there and always have.  Well it took them all about 2 weeks, but the Pittsburgh beer scene is a close knit one but they found me so instead of blocking and hiding I just let it go and they follow me.  This is good and bad. But bottom line is I shouldnt let it effect me saying & doing what I want to do on my personal blog or twitter account. I think I can safely assume that all of my peoples get that there is the Me they work for and the Me that exists outside of that realm and though they both live in the same body they are very different people. Well that and I swear to all thats holy that if they are reading this and decide to turn my blog or twitter into any kind of gossipy bullshit with ANY of my employees or coworkers that there will be extreme hell to pay (If youre reading this guys you have been fairly warned...ok).  I do NOT invade their personal lives and doing that to me would be an excessive invasion of my personal life...but after much consideration I dont think they will. I work with some pretty awesome people and they are all grown ups...so I am going to roll the dice and see what happens. 

• I think Im really done smoking. Been pondering this a lot of late and I feel like its time.  I had this AH HA! moment a couple weeks ago. Im a smart person. I have a good job, I pay my bills, I am a good person, I possess the ability to make all kinds of good decisions large and small all day every day.  And yet at least 10-15 times a day I CHOOSE to put something in my mouth, light it on fire and inhale the smoke full on KNOWING that it will kill me. I wouldnt step in front of a bus 15 times a day. I wouldnt play Russian Roulette with a double barrel shot gun 15 times a day. I wouldnt jump off a roof 15 times a day. But I will smoke 15 cigarettes a day. Took me 17 years but yeah...thats fucking stupid. So there are 2 left in my current pack. I am not buying or bumming (see how I sealed up that loop hole right there) anymore of them after these last 2. I also am going to do this cold turkey even though the general consensus is that may be a bad idea. Through all this thinking and pondering I have also come to this conclusion - my smoking is a choice. Yes...there are things that make them addictive, yes there are chemical receptors in my brain that are going to be PISSED for a couple weeks, yes I might be more bitchy & aggressive than I normally am (sorry in advance) but fuck it. I am NOT going to spend a couple hundred dollars a month to make it easier for me to quit. I am not a weak person and there has not been one thing outside of this that I havent been able to accomplish in my life once I have set my mind to it and this is no different. I am not going to stop giving my money to Big Tobacco only to give it to Big Pharmaceutical. Fuck ya both...Im gonna buy a flat screen or a new Mac!! 

•  Related: I am going to blog my quitting. I am promising myself I will post at least once a day until I have kicked the habit and have realigned my routines accordingly. I genuinely enjoy blogging, it gets a lot of things that get trapped in my head out for me to look at and I want to do more with my little space on the internets. I like being able to read my thoughts with some objectivity...which is hard to do when wrapped up in your own head.

• Sarah Palin. I am pretty sure I have launched off about her before, but I read an article today that really pissed me off.  Michelle Obama has made it her initiative to help curb and control childhood obesity. I dont give a flying fuck how you feel about her politics - but this IS a huge problem. I dont have kids - but I know kids and shes right. They spend far too much time sitting on their asses in front of monitors & TVs than is good for them shoveling shit they really shouldnt be eating into their faces. I walked around for trick or treating with my nephews and my sister had her husband go home and get the car because  HER 9 YEAR OLD COULDNT WALK ALL THE WAY HOME BECAUSE HE GETS TOO TIRED. Hes 9. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? I wanted to hit her and make him run laps. Through this entire conversation he is rooting through his bag looking for more reeses. Sheesh. Her kids also dont eat vegetables. They eat garbage. She eats garbage. Maybe if they learned about healthy eating in school it would help. Maybe it would inspire then to try different foods. I full on blame my sister for the poor eating habits of her kids...but maybe healthier school lunches & better budgets for those programs would help all kids. Its possible. It definitely cant hurt.  But Mrs Palin launched off about Mrs Obama's program saying it is the government's attempt   to tell us how to eat and control our diets. She was down right obnoxious about it, ill informed and just plain wrong.  I wont even link to the story - I cant bring myself to contribute in any way to more people hearing what she has to say. The School Lunch Program and its supporters are not trying to control our diets, they are attempting to educate kids and families to make better choices for their overall health and if that woman is too dumb to see that WHY DOES ANYONE GIVE HER THE TIME OF DAY?!? I dont get it. It scares me...sincerely scares me...that she may make a run for President in 2012 and there are a large amount of vocal people who insist she will win. Please. No. Just No. She is terrifyingly stupid. Believe what ever political ethos youd like - hell! be a tea partier for all I give a shit - but see her for the vapid & ignorant woman she is and make her go away. Her and her entire family. Oh...and take Glenn Beck with 'em - hes just an asshole no matter what you believe.

I will return tomorrow with more focus...promise. I hope you all had a great Turkey Day and Im doing my best to get in the Christmas Spirit without much luck.  The icky rain today isnt helping. Go ahead and assassinate me if you want...but I really really really wish it were snow!!